Caldwell communications

A few weeks ago, out of the goodness of my “big as a tractor tire” heart, I took the time to create sort of a mini-dictionary consisting of some colorful phrases and words that are used primarily here in Caldwell County. I did this to help the many who are moving into our area to be able to relate more succinctly with the natives. Today, I'd like to add just a few words and their definitions to our little dictionary. Some of these may well be exclusive to Caldwell and maybe a couple of mountain counties. I do this not only to help our newcomers but to add more proof that I truly am a sweetheart of a fellow.

Now pay attention, even if you've relocated here from another place in the South you should read and study this humble primer. Our word nuances and phrases have been known to baffle even the most experienced of Southerners. Yep, we're that special. For those of you hailing from locales north of the Mason-Dixon line and are not familiar in the least with our language, you will be in my prayers.

Let's get started.

Touse: Short for the phrase “to the house.” Example: Wish Bobby Jean would get on back touse.”

Momanem: Sort of a contraction of Momma and them. Example: Bobby Jean best get back touse. before Momanem get here.

Likat: Another contraction, this one for the phrase, “like that.” Example: Bobby Jean should have never left the house with a boy likat.

Billnloan: A place where one goes to borrow money when they wish to build a new house. Often called a savings and loan in other parts of the country. Example: I guarantee you that boy Bobby Jean is dating can't borrow a dime down at the billnloan unless Momanem co-sign the note.

Kmere: A combination of the words “come here.” Example: Kmere and look up the phone number for the pool room ‘cause I bet that boy took Bobby Jean somewhere likat.

Kilt: Sometimes used as a noun denoting a garment worn by men in Scotland. Most often used here as a verb meaning “killed.” Example: I hope he didn't take Bobby Jean to that beer joint where her first husband got kilt.

Upair: Combines the words, “up there.” Example: Surely he'd have better sense than to take here upair.

Satire: Yet another Caldwell contraction, this one short for “sat there.” Example: Kmere now, you can't just satire until B.J. gets to touse.

Youence: A word used when one wants to address everyone in the ear shot. Southerners are famous for using the word “y'all” but we have improved that a little. Example: Youence kmere, Bobby Jean is finally home and Momanem has pulled in right behind her.

Now that you have been introduced to these words, I beseech you to use them until you are 100 percent comfortable with them being a part of your new and exciting vocabulary adventure. Sit down with pen and paper and create sentences using these new words.

Here's how you do it.

“Kmere and satire. Let me tell you the story about when Momanem went to the billnloan. Youence should remember it because when they refused the loan, it about kilt Daddy. He wanted the money to add a new bathroom touse. I don't remember the story exactly but it went something likat.”

Coming soon: An explanation of livermush.

Benjie Watts of Gamewell is a columnist for the News-Topic. If you want to leave a message for him him call the TopicLine, 757-4300, category number 4335.