Mothers have wings

While rummaging through a box a junk my oldest son left upstairs, I found a little plaque I gave him for Christmas. It reads, “My mom's a travel agent for guilt trips.” That message was a joke because my son often accuses me of using guilt to control him. For example, if I want him to attend a family get-together, I say, “I know everyone would enjoy seeing you, but if you don't think you can manage going, it's OK.” (His interpretation: I'm going to look bad if I don't go and it's really not OK.)

Of course, he is correct. It is true that I expect him to hear something more than what I say verbally. That kind of interaction is fairly common; I've heard other mothers use the same technique. We have influence in our family members' lives for good or evil.

All the lavish praise and affection of Mother's Day tributes makes me a little nervous. I realize my children know the real me. I know they stand in the grocery store looking for a Mother's Day card that makes sense for their mother, not the fantasy mother who has “unfailing love, an understanding heart, gentle eyes, and angel wings,” according to the card writers. One card I noticed used the Jewish proverb “God couldn't be everywhere, so He created mothers.” Now that is alarming to me. I think my children would agree that a serious situation would arise should they be found somewhere without God and left only to me!

Regardless of the card sentiments, there is no such thing as a perfect mother. Some women may get closer to it, but not complete perfection. That's a freeing thought because mothers, even though they can make others feel guilty, are very guilt prone themselves. No normal woman wants to be thought of as a bad mother.

The baggage we may carry can be very heavy. I should have breastfed longer. I didn't read to them enough. I let them watch too much television. I should have told her about sex before her friends told her about it. I didn't listen enough. I was too busy, too strict, too lenient. I should have, could have, didn't, on and on.

The essence of motherhood is simple I believe, and a photo I saw this week made that point. A large Canada goose with nine goslings sat out in the rain at a grassy park. The goose had one of her massive wings fanned out to shelter her babies from the rain. They were fluffy balls of yellow down all snuggled up under that wing, looking sleepy and content. The goose sat upright, head erect, alert, on guard as the rain beaded up on her feathers.

Mothers protect and nurture. To use one of my kids' expressions, mothers “are there for” their children. That requires self-sacrifice, not perfection. The bond between a mother and her baby gives that child security under a wing of love, acceptance, and peace.

Mothers are imperfect, but they are entrusted with wings of mother love patterned from God's own heart. David the shepherd writes of Him, “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you may seek refuge. . .” (Psalm 91:4) That kind of love causes people to make grand statements about motherhood. Abraham Lincoln exclaimed, “All I am or can be I owe to my angel Mother.”

I hope to get a few Mother's Day cards today and be humbled by the flowery messages. I can only pray for bigger wings.

Arlene Neal is a wife, mother of six children and a middle grades teacher with a Masters in Education from Appalachian State University. She lives in Granite Falls. Contact her by e-mail at nealies@hotmail.com.